there is no such things as “bad” experience.
how would you react when your family/friend told you that they have a bad day?
preface:how would you react when your family/friend told you that they have a bad day? understand them? comfort them? empathize them? have you ever had a bad boss? bad boyfriend/girlfriend? bad relationship with somebody? bad salary?
after you read my article you would start to realize that there is no such things as bad or good…
storybackground: people call me eric, i want to help naruto to make everyone become friend. at this moment i am a nomad in russia, mostly sleeping at couchsurfing’s host’s house.
before i introspect: it was a bad experience with host, it was uncomfortable, i was angry and sad.
what happened?: host constantly mention how great their previous guest could cook, how many food previous guest bought for him, questioning “ eric how could you dont know how to cook”, “ eric you should learn how to cook, i expect you to cook some foreign food for us”
at the last lunch we had, i asked him if i could get more pasta since there are still plenty in the pan, he said “sure eric , but if you want to get more pasta, you have to buy food next time, you keep eating our food, and using our house resources, you give us nothing, this is not the culture of couchsurfing”
why i was angry and and sad?: i answered him: “you make me feel very sad… i understand that i didnt buy food and dont know how to cook as normal travel would do, but i try my best to provide what i could do, i keep helping you with the english knowledge i know without you asking me to do, i automatically share my taiwanese tea with your family, which is the tea you will not find in russia. i helped you with arranging furniture, watering flowers, spent time with your kids more than i used to,why cant you see my efforts but the only thing you want from me is food? didnt i tell you that i am a super low budget traveler at the first day? and as you can see i am not a lazy traveler, i work on writing articles, making research on science and making youtube all day, i am contributing to the universe unlike most of the people only contribute to family!”
why i was uncomfortable with this host:
@1 : they constantly talk about themselves, they never ask me a question: i have experienced a lot of times when people keep expressing themselves without asking others opinion, so why i am making a fuss about it? because i dont want to make them feel like i am only taking their food, using their bed without giving. i am not surprised that at the end, they were angry because they couldnt feel i am helpful or providing things, because they constantly focus on themselves.
@2 : unnecessarily shouting at kids: although parents have thousands of reason why they shout at kids, but i think most of the time, they have to blame themselves unable to control their own emotion. take my host’s family for example, father shouted at his son because he was farting close to him, shitting without closing door, eating slowly. i feel so hurt when i kids were sad because adults cannot control their emotion, it makes me think of my past, hundreds of times being shouted, hit by my mom.
@3 : too many regulation: this couple constantly ask me not to do something when i never violate: “eric please dont forget to be quiet after 2pm until3 pm, after 11pm as well”, “eric please come to dacha(russian traditional house) with us” , “eric please play with our kids more often”, “eric please put a paper under your tea cup to prevent breaking table by water”
after introspection: i should blame myself not the host, no need to be angry.
@ 1: i was angry but because of my anger i find a better method to deal with the situation: in this example: i was afraid of they would forced me to buy food which i dont want to because my goal is to travel with zero money. instead of feeling angry, i could use a peaceful way asking them “ my goal is to travel by receiving help, food from people, could i help you with other things but not buying food?”
@ 2: i was angry because of my ego: it is simple, they ask me to do something that i werent planning to do, after my deep thoughts, i realized i was just like my host, who was unable to control my emotions, who was trying to taking over the situation, in another words, wants to be a king who holds big power. a better mindset would be, i could ask people questions in order to achieve my goal, but the result is never guaranteed.
@ 3: it was a good experience because i understand myself better: the time that i spent with this host might just be 0.0000000001 percent of my entire lifespan, they are just like passengers on the street, only slightly longer than typical passenger. even though they were doing something wrong, they have their own journey to correct it, if lucky enough i could help other individuals as well, but i should give the focus mainly on myself, which is a paradox because for a lot of people, this mean selfish, and a lot of people think selfish is not good, but for me it’s definitely worth me to write another article about it:))
@ 4: i was also the person who constantly talking about myself, never curious about others lives, others opinion, now i felt life is so amazing, how much i have grown, how good i am to make conversation inclusive.
