fuck! i share too much of information
are we talking too much?
preface
unfortunately most of the people dont have the same problem as i do, because as my observation, people dont share too much of information to strangers no even mention personal one. but doesnt mean problem dont exist within friends…
after you read my article, you will improve with me about being more selective and spending our energy wisely
the purpose of sharing information?
purpose1: for learning, for discovering our life: in another word to receive new perspective, maybe our conversation partner is from other country, races, generation , jobs, family background. so maybe our answer towards some questions might be super different from them.
and knowing their different perspective it works exactly the same as traveling and having a tour guide like our parents always ordered. but the advantage of chatting with different people, especially with foreigner is, we could customized our questions and discussed it,instead of sometimes we read the sign board introducing the history of this mountain, but when we have question, we have no one we could ask, same as tour guide, tour guide is mostly aiming for making money, who gives a fuck our question other than our close friend?
purpose2: making ourselves happy :as my observation of asking questions to thousands of people on the street, in most 96 percent of the cases, people like to express themselves, even when people who claim that they are conservative and they dont like to be proud of themselves to share information. but when i keep asking people who are relativity closeminded, they usually would express themselves longer than 6 minutes.
also, although its a psychological effect, when we express ourselves we feel like we are learning something, therefore to some degree we feel happy, but actually we dont learn as much as listen.
purpose3: making others happy : everyone know that there is a high chance when we share our cool stories, people surrounding us would feel happier, at least wont be sad. and this effect works even better when our conversational partner is feeling sad, we could share our happy stories to them:))
problem of sharing too much information
problem1:a lot of people ask questions as a filler, without interest, they dont really want to ask us question. take myself as an example, since i am a relatively scarce foreign nomad in russia now, people often ask me questions like. “how did you get money to travel in russia for more than 4 months?” “why did you dropout from university and no high school diploma?”
of course i have all the elaborate answer for this, but according to my past experiences, after i elaborate about my answer for 8 minutes about where did my money come from and how did i ask food,accommodation from people, how i saved money, 13 reasons why i dropped out from university” people would just say “ ohh, wow, nice, cool, or some old type of questions which doesnt improve my brain to think”
solution1: dont share too much information at first: First give a short answer, and this short incomplete answer would filter out most of the people who is not paying too much attention on you, if they follow up and ask more questions then those are the people we should pay more attention with.
For example: “how’s your relationship with your family eric ?”
Me: “bad”.
They: “oh cool”
Me: “you’re out”
Problem2: we talk too much about ourselves without being inclusive: to some degree, there is no point to share too much of our life without asking our friend, or family’s opinion. take myself as an example, 1 year ago, before i dropped out from university, i usually have this relaxing time with classmate. but i realized the longer my classmate talk about himself, the less people focus on him, usually the conversation would ended up like people facing with their phone, pretend they are paying attention and from time to time nod their head or say “um hm um hm”
solution2: make conversation more inclusive by asking questions often : for example, when i am talking about my 13 reasons why i dropped out from university, instead of elaborating 18 minutes about my total 13 reasons, i could stopped at each reason and ask if people “agree with me or not” or”what do you think of what i said here”.
problem3: sometimes we are not sure about our answer, but we pretend that we are 100 percent sure: very likely, even though we are expert or scientist about this question,we could always share but we still cannot hold a 100percent sure attitude or even proud of ourselves attitude to question, unless you are making a joke. because, if you are making your emotion and statement very strong, strong enough to make people afraid to provide their opinion to us, then we are not going to get new information from other people, then what’s the difference between we talk to ourselves and talking to people?
when we talk to ourselves, we dont need to spend additional effort to provide the background, because we’ve already know by ourselves, but when we share we people, we always need to spend additional effort to introduce some story background, in order for people to understand better, but if we are just keep on telling the story, how could we improve ourselves?
solution3: from time to time use some objective words like “ i am not so sure, i dont know so much about this, but i want to sure with you the thing that i know” “what is your opinion about what i said here”
in conclusion
@1 only for people(YES YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE, EVERYONE WHO READ MY ARTICLE) who want to improve themselves effectively, we should be more serious about how much we should talk, otherwise, if we talk too much, it would not be fun, also wont be enlightening, then why dont we have more sex instead of talking?
@2 focus more on ourselves when talking, ask ourselves “ are we talking too much?” “ is this person paying attention?” “is it so important for me to share this information?”
202007 kemerovo by eric(naruto)
