6 Lessons from Being Rejected 5000 Times Attempt To Make Friend
Wow being rejected feels gooooood
Story background: I have successfully hitchhiked from the very south of russia (Vladivostok) to the very west (sainkt peteroug) in the past 6 months, my hobby is to interact with strangers and I have around 5760 of approaching Russian strangers experiences but only roughly 320 of them want to interact with me.
Today I want to share 6lessons that I’ve learned from my experiences.
1.Don’t make the unrealistic expectation
I thought I’m cool and special enough to make most people want to talk to me, so I was very disappointed when most of the strangers ignored me when I talk to them, they don’t even say hi back. But I made a huge mistake — I didn’t calculate the factors that would influence the outcome.
In this case, I didn’t calculate the Russian culture, one of the Russian cultures is that they don’t talk to strangers in general at any places. I also didn’t calculate coronavirus inside, people would of course be more afraid to talk to strangers during this time, I also wasn’t objectively viewing the situation. I thought as long as I’m not afraid of getting covid19 then everyone won’t be afraid as well.(overgeneralization mistake) On top of that, the biggest unrealistic expectation I made is — expecting one person in 10 people would be ready for a conversation
2.Maybe my approach method is wrong
I was sharing my disappointment with my high intelligence Russian friend Kate. The only thing she told me is that “maybe you should try a different approach method”
Indeed after introspecting, I realized my directly ask strangers method “may I ask you a question” “ May I be your friend?” could be intimidating for them.
After introspection, I started with “good morning I'm a traveler from Taiwan”
Why? Because everyone loves traveling.
GUESS WHAT!!
I did get more response from people:))
3.Don’t overcorrect ourselves
Until I arrived at Turkey, I realized there’s nothing I need to change. Because Turkish people has a culture of talking to people on the street just like what I experienced in Southern India. I don’t even need to say a word, people would automatically greet me and ask me where I am from.
It’s so easy to make friends here.
Holly fuck! I realized how depressed russia has made me before. I feel like I successfully escape from russia to turkey.
4.The disadvantage of not being opened for a conversation
Those strangers who don’t respond to me, ignore me, I certainly know they lose a big chance of expanding their point of view. Now, even though I’m not special enough, even though I don’t make so many people happy everyday , learn Russian by myself through youtube, hitchhike all across russia during covid19, having a goal of being like naturo making everyone become friendlier… all these special stuff. Avoiding talking to strangers would lose chance of learning and exploring life.
Why?
Because when strangers find us to talk, in most cases — ask questions. We are standing at a “helper” point of view, in another word we are doing them a favor, in another words, if we ask something back we would be more likely to get response from them. Now I’m not saying we need to ask them to give us material benefit. But we could seize the chance to satisfy our curiosity and learn! Ask them question back like
“what are you doing here, what is your plan”
Very likely we would increase a new friend, since they are already opened up for a conversation.
On top of that, in my experiences, people who don’t accept the chance to talk to strangers for whatever reasons, fear, bad mood. Chances are they won’t feel the happiness generated from interacting with strangers, because interacting with strangers is a recognition. And we love to suck recognition.
5.People don’t want to talk to me doesn’t mean they are not friendly
I had always been imposing the concept of “reciprocity” on others. I thought once I treat others friendly, others would treat me friendly as well. So when Russian strangers ignored me on the street, I was thinking
“why you don't appreciate my friendliness?”
But I realized I was wrong once I left a person who wants to talk to me on the street
I was in an emergency at that time so I just tell him “ I'm sorry I'm in an emergency”
AHHH HAAA!!
people ignore me doesn't mean unfriendliness, maybe they are really busy and they don't know how to express themselves. Maybe we are not interesting for them. Maybe they have an illness with interacting with strangers. Maybe they really want to talk to me but since they are not used to this situation their subconsciousness still controls their body to walk away from me. And hundred of reasons, we will never get to know.
And it’s okay to not know.
Because
6.We are finding the person who wants to pay high attention on us.
There are always some people who would love to hear our story, love to be accompanied. Shouldn't we focus on those who are waiting for us to be discovered instead of focusing on crying on those who don't want to pay attention to us??
202009 eric(naruto) Fethiye
